Friday, 11 March 2011

Moving On

Sometimes things change little by little. Sometimes you turn around and everything is different. My daughter has two bedrooms now, in two houses. I tell her she is lucky, that it means more toys, more things to do, more excitement. But she wants one bedroom. She wants her mummy and daddy to be together.

I am making dinner in the kitchen when I hear a noise near the front door and stop chopping, trying to listen above the music. There it is again: a shout, perhaps Saturday drinkers passing by. I go into the hallway to listen. As I get to the staircase I hear a voice coming through the letterbox shouting I Love You Daddy. The sound echoes in the space, then the letterbox rattles shut and I smile.

By the time I get the door open my daughter has reached the corner of the street, but when I shout to her she turns and smiles at me. The familiar smile, stretching wide, turning her cheeks into two doughy balls. She runs back and hugs me, her mother watching in the background.

I know I will see her next week, but all the same it is strange to see her like this. It is the time of day I used to make her tea. Now she’s somewhere else. Now I don’t even know what she’s doing. She runs upstairs and re-appears with a spotty dog from her bed. I love you too, I say. Bye daddy, she says as she disappears past me. Things used to be different. But different doesn’t have to mean better, I tell myself.

13 comments:

Elsie Button said...

xxxx

Pig in the Kitchen said...

That's tough. Not sure what else to say. If it's any consolation children from far worse family backgrounds go on to be reasonably rounded, mentally stable (it's all relative) adults. Well, maybe 'mentally stable' is a bit generous, but most days I do ok.
Pig x

HER ON THE HILL said...

Gosh this is so sad. Especially on a dull foggy day when I am alone in an empty, lightless house and weighed down by my own memories of little girls growing up...

Thinking of you.

jgpicazo said...

I'm a stay at dad to my step-kids. But divorced with three kids of my own. After their mother left she packed up and moved 80 miles away making visitation difficult. But I have rather a unique story. One that I tell in my blog.
In any case we fathers tend to take this hard than our children. They adjust better. The routine gets easier. But the longing does not and that's a good thing.

American in Bath said...

I've been checking in now and then. I'm sorry to see that so much has changed for all of you. Sometimes different really is better, but it can't possibly be easy.

Maggie May said...

That is so sad. Really sad and your post is so full of feeling.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

skymum @Pursuit of Happiness said...

I've only just found your blog, and wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. I hope the Kreativ Blogger award I have nominated you for will help brighten your day, somewhat? Every little bit helps, right...

Have a look at your nomination here: http://skymum-pursuitofhappiness.blogspot.com/2011/05/longest-post-in-history-of-blogging-my.html

Stay at home dad said...

Hi and thank you all for your comments and for the nomination skymum!

Rgds,
Sahd

Jan said...

I am glad I got back in touch and send you my very best Wishes SAHD.

Stay at home dad said...

Thanks Jan. Hope all well with you. Sahd.

Jack's dad said...

Thank you for sharing this lovely, but heart-wrenching post. I've been going through tough times as well, and my son always makes it better. I can't imagine what I'd do without him, and I wish you and your daughter the best during this transition.

http://homewithlittlejack.blogspot.com/

bentampa said...

I am just reading this.... God, that was heartbreaking. I hope you are doing well. Ben

Yeti9000 said...

Wow, that is really rough, man. All I can say is stay strong and max out the time you guys have together...