Friday, 28 November 2008

Reality TV

I am sitting under the comforting low-light of a table-lamp, while in the corner of the room the television sparkles. My daughter is sitting tight against the sofa-arm, knees drawn up to her chest, thumb in mouth. Her eyes are fixed to the screen as a dancer sweeps from corner to corner in perfect princess circles. I am next to her, arm around her shoulders, also lost in TV half-life. Brucie smiles in the LCD brightness, performing with comforting, barely-remembered ease. My daughter reaches her hand towards me. “Daddy, I like holding hands with you.” she says. I smile and squeeze her fingers tightly.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“I wish Bruce was your daddy and then he could come and make jokes and we could all laugh.”

“Me too” I say, smiling again. I can’t begin to know how to reply to her sometimes. She’d like me to have a father and she’s a little disturbed that I no longer have one. If I think hard I can remember life in flannel pyjamas too. Small things are big, big things don’t exist and everything is simple.

“Daddy…” she says

“Yes?”

“Maybe you can ask for Christmas.”

32 comments:

The Grocer said...

A timely reminder that those of us that are lucky to still have one around should take some time out to hold his hand this Christmas. I hope all is well with you and yours and the only crunch is the sound of wellies on snow this Christmas.

Stay at home dad said...

Hello The Grocer. Absolutely, well put, as ever. Everything is ok at this time of year somehow, it's next year I'm worried about. Hope all good with you too.

Miriam said...

Yes indeed, things are simple when you're little. We as adults do well to remember that and follow their example sometimes. Enjoy the lead-in to Christmas with your little one, mimi
ps delighted to get another post from you, do you know that its5 months to the day??

Stay at home dad said...

Thanks mimi, you too... no I didn't I've just seen! Doesn't reallly qualify as a blog!

Jan said...

Good to see you again SAHD.
Your writing, as usual, spot on!

Stay at home dad said...

Oh thank you Jan.... good to see you too! Hope all well with you.

Claire said...

Hiya
I've just found your blog and this really struck a chord with me. He's only 7 months old but I'm dreading the day my son wants to know where mummy's daddy is...Have a great Christmas x

Stay at home dad said...

Hi Claire. Ah 7 months... what fun! I think they understand better than we think . Have a great Xmas yourself.

Sahd

Livvy U. said...

You're back! With a little gem of a post, a nugget of wistfulness and love and longing, as ever.
Thanks for the comment on mine, too - I don't think I did get your last one... I'm working my way back to the page, too, perhaps soon. x

Stay at home dad said...

Hey Livvy... yes I'm back... who needs a book deal anyway...!

Nice to be here again. Will be good to see you back too... a few of us seem to have taken a break for one reason or another.

Sahdx

Maggie May said...

I was also watching "Strictly Come Dancing"!
Glad your daughter enjoys watching with you and that she enjoys Bruce.
You write lovely posts.

Mickle in NZ said...

Hello Stay at Home Dad, just discovered your blog, confess then read the lot. Dad s are very important.

My dear Dad is the Father of 2 Daughters, no sons. When I was 11 he was heard to mutter "even the bloody cat is female".

When I was was 5 dear Dad found himself with dear Wife in hospital for 5 weeks, and 2 daughters at home. He confessed to loathing ironing little girls dresses and blouses.

I have inherited his loathing of Ironing. Yet this Xmas, staying with the folks, I will do as much of the ironing as I can, in between cooking for them. I love cooking and they have a full sized kitchen

Much care and many huggles to you all, Michelle and my Zebbycat, over in NZ

Pig in the Kitchen said...

It bothers my children too, my lack of parents. Sometimes they are tender, other times fairly brutal, 'You are an orphan Mummy aren't you, because both your parents are DEAD'. Why yes, thank-you for that...

Good to see you back SAHD, please tell me you are old enough to remember Bruce from The Generation Game? I loved that game where you had to remember everything on the conveyor belt. however, I found Bruce really annoying even then.
Pigx

Stay at home dad said...

Thank you Maggie May...a nice thing to do as the winter evenings draw in....

Hi Michelle - thanks for reading! 2daughters may be tough... one I find is just right...

Hello Pig. Yes, brutal.. but at least you've, er, got them... Of course I remember him. I always liked him. Don't know why. Cuddly toy etc.x

CrazyCath said...

I love these snapshots in your life with your little one. And as some one else said - timely reminders. Dads are not forever. Not yet anyway.
Nice to see you.
(I'm on a half break - if you're visiting, click on my profile and go to Cath's Cradle. It's the only current one. Always welcome.)

Stay at home dad said...

Thank you CrazyCath... yes dads and mums should never be taken for granted but always are... Cheers I'll come by!

Sparx said...

Hi SAHD - good to see you back, Merry Yule, hope all is well.

Where the Hell...? said...

Hi there,

I've been reading your posts on and off the last few days. I think you write brilliantly. I shall keep up with you now.

I'm a Brit expat SAHD in southern Germany into growing and cooking food for my family. I also blog about that at http://www.theenglishgardener.blogspot.com/

I find the isolation of being a man down here and the culture barrier very hard to cope with to be honest, but reading stuff like yours helps a bit.

Drop by my blog if you are interested.

missy said...

That is so cute!
Bruce would make a wonderful grandad!

DJ Kirkby said...

Beautiful and poignant as usual.

Elsie Button said...

Lovely to see you posting SAHD. Hope you all had a lovely christmas, and a happy new year to you!

Stay at home dad said...

Hi Sparx, nice to see you too. Xmas good but glad it's over!

Hello Where the hell...? Thank you very much, very kind. I'm glad, it's tough I know. I'll come and visit...

Thank you missy, I think he would but maybe a bit crochety...!

Hi DJK. Thanks! Hope you're well...

Happy New Year to you too Else! Hope all well with book, homelife and all the rest....

Lilly said...

Hiya! glad to read your writing again... please write more! It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling, your writing does.
P.S. I remember the conveyor belt program with Bruce! I LOVED IT! Little snippits of memories make me smile! Hope all's well with you...x

Susanna said...

Awe, very sweet.

David T said...

Good post. My kids don't get to see their grandparents very often, but are very happy when they do get to.

Stay at home dad said...

Hi Lilly. Thanks for leaving a comment, I do appreciate it... I am writing another at the moment. I do too few.. All well, hope you too.

Hello Susanna and thanks...!

Thank you David T. Yes, grandparents: an interesting phenomenon and great if it works!

Suffolkmum said...

Hey SAHD- I missed your writing when I took a blogging break - and was away much longer than I intended. Came back to blogland to see you've been a bit sporadic too - it won't do, please write some more. Hope all is well.

Miriam said...

"I am writing another at the moment. I do too few.. "
Hello SAHD,are you writing aanother post or on another blog? If blog, do give the address please! Miss you, hope your little one is well,mimi

Holland Park Football said...

Great blog, any chance of more posts?

scaryazeri said...

lovely and sad at the same time...

Stay at home dad said...

Hi Suffolkmum... you're back! That's good... I will come and visit. I know, I'm remiss.. but I've just done another anyway...

Hello Mimi.. another post - it took a while! Yes thanks..hope all well with you too.

HPF - thank you and yes!!

Thanks scary - that's me I'm afraid.. well the sad bit anyway. lol.

Derek Cromwell said...

Beautiful post. My own father is getting up there and age and despite how determined he is to eat properly and be healthy we all win that fight eventually. I loathe that my 2 y/o will be old enough to understand the loss but I'm thankful for every day that comes with family still alive to share it.